Listen guys, can we please stop cluttering up my Facebook feed with links to the fucking “Hot Problems” video?

Look, I get it, this song is awful and it’s pretty hilarious. But stop acting like this is the death of music. For as eager as we all are to throw around the word troll, I’m surprised I’ve not seen it used more in reference to this video, because I called troll less than 45 seconds into the video.

They see my blonde hair, blue eyes, and class, but what they don’t know, I‘ve got a really big heart.

This is the stuff of parody and to hear these girls, “Double Take” as their calling themselves, talk about writing this song in two hours, it’s hard for me to believe they did this with anything but hopes of provoking another Rebecca Black level pop culture shit storm. When you talk about this song and call it the worst thing ever the joke is almost certainly on you. Also, part of me can’t help but feel like I’d hear this on the radio about 18 times a day if it had spent a little more time in the oven and was performed by Ke$ha. Food for thought.

Don’t worry though, if you really are hard up for the most awfulest thing since Rebecca Black, “3 Second Rule” by Lisa Gail Alldred has you covered. This is most certainly the real deal, as Alldred had the original video pulled from YouTube after the negative reactions came in. Thankfully the Internet never forgets and will reupload any stupid bullshit they notice has gone missing. Now you too can learn the secret to keeping your man in line.

Truly this is some Alldred family secret passed down from one generation to the next, now being shared to a world of women who need this sage advice, lest their men fornicate with all the women.

Everything about this is bad. Everything. There is not a fucking second of this video that is not 100% awful. It really does speak for itself and nothing I can say does it justice, if you can’t see why this is bad you probably don’t possess the mental faculties to read anything I’ve written thus far, so I’m just going to stop.